brokeback love

It's been a long time since I've "dated" myself. I used to go to a cafe on a Saturday night, sip coffee and read a book by myself, not caring how I looked or how I appeared to other people. Those nights were some of the most peaceful in my life, and I loved the exercise of having to write my thoughts down and just.. well, think.

Last Sunday, I decided I needed some alone time (with myself, strange I know!) and watch a movie. Rarely am I compelled to watch a movie alone. I find that the experience of watching a film is more fun when it is shared with others. Not that we talk during the movie (that's a pet peeve), but it's nice when you're able to validate your opinion by grunting and the person next do you grunts back in acknowledgement. Anyway, I went to the cinema (with sour cream soy chips in hand) and sat down to watch Brokeback Mountain.

Yes, I saw the gay cowboy movie.

Let me tell you why I watched it, and decided to watch it despite the fact that I was alone. I have been meaning to watch Brokeback the moment I read a small review about it. Not for anything, but the subject interested me. I wanted to see the film before the Oscars (which was the following day) because I didn't want the outcome to "taint" my impression of the film.

Anyone who has seen Brokeback Mountain will tell you that it is a difficult film to watch, and I don't mean in a "guy-on-guy sex is icky" sort of way. It was more than that. If you watched Brokeback because you wanted to see 2 gorgeous guys make out, I pity you. The film was so emotionally loaded my throat was literally choked up inside. I wanted to bawl like a baby as I watched these two (or 3? or 4?) struggle with their passions but I didn't want to miss a thing. For the first time in years, I felt an ache in my heart I rarely feel when watching a movie (hell, some people will tell you they'd be surprised to find that my heart actually aches :p). And that ache lingered. I was heartbroken.

You have to look past the whole "two guys falling in love" thing to be able to grasp what the film is really trying to tell you. It was, quite simply, about LOVE. Take out the gay factor. It was about two people who met, bonded, and fell in love. It was about falling in love at the wrong time. It was about wanting, and needing to be with someone. It's about "missing someone so much you can['t] hardly stand it." It's about heartbreak and longing. It's about risks.

I could prattle on and on about what Brokeback means, but I'll spare you the lecture and instead leave you with these thoughts from Ang Lee and Gustavo Santaolalla:

"First of all, I want to thank two people who don't even exist. Or I should say, they do exist, because of the imagination of Annie Proulx and the artistry of Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana. Their names are Ennis and Jack. And they taught all of us who made Brokeback Mountain so much about not just all the gay men and women whose love is denied by society, but just as important, the greatness of love itself." - Ang Lee, Best Directing for Brokeback Mountain

"I'm so proud to have work[ed] in this movie Brokeback Mountain. A movie that once again showed us that LOVE IS WHAT MAKES US ALL VERY SIMILAR, IN SPITE THAT WE CAN BE SO DIFFERENT." - Gustavo Santaolalla, Best Original Score for Brokeback Mountain

Beautiful.